Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Kids lie. They all do. If you think your kids don't lie you are either lying to yourself or you are in for a fun ride once they become teenagers. Plus you are dumb.
I was a born liar. Still am. Pathological almost. And the kids take after me. Although it is pretty funny listening to my wife sputter 'why do they lie?!' while glaring at me and then later that night over another bottle of wine laughing about how she used to pull the wool over her parents' eyes by covering up her breaking of their rules about sloth and drunkenness as a teenager.
Now of course it sometimes works against them, as it did this morning when my eldest tried to wear a dress to school that I am pretty sure she's not allowed to wear to school. But Mommy lets me she wailed, along with lamentations about the unfairness of it all, to which I replied that she and her brother are lying liars who lie and as a result I really could not trust her on this point. Her brother smirked, because she was the one getting called on it this time.
Evidence from this weekend points to our youngest lapping the field in this particular talent however, perhaps even putting her old man to shame (and I've told some dandies in my days). The difference between her and us is her absolute shamelessness, coupled with a killer's lack of conscience and an incredible ability to think on her feet.
My inlaws are here to visit and on Sunday afternoon my mother in law came downstairs and found my youngest in her purse, rummaging about. She had applied some lipstick and eyeliner and was chewing a piece of gum that she had thieved, the little rat. My mother in law called her a rascal or a scallywag or some such, shooed her upstairs with a scolding and placed the purse where it could not be reached by dirty little hands.
Next time downstairs mother in law discovers our sweet baby (she is three) has pushed furniture over, climbed atop it and is standing there holding the pack of gum in her hand. Before she can say a thing, little miss K turns to her, smiles sweetly and says:
Oh there you are Nanny. I was just getting a piece of gum for you because I thought you'd like one.
Did I mention that she is three? Also that we are doomed.
So the Oilers are halfway there anyhow. Great at home. Lousy on the road though, where Renney can't protect the kids and the team is too thin on the blueline to be any damn good. One wonders what Tambellini is going to do here. The club is good enough to be in the mix for the playoff race I think but not as presently constituted. They need Whitney to come back and they need to shore up that D with a trade. Rumours are Carle is available for a pick. If Philly isn't asking for a first do you make that move? A D that goes as follows - 5/77, 6/Carle, 25/58 with Potter also in the mix - is probably good enough to keep this team in the hunt and don't we want the kids to play some meaningful games?
Some other thoughts, mostly concerning damnable lies told by fans and others:
1/ Hordichuk and Eager have some value. Intangibles, right? Well anyone who saw the Stars run roughshod last night has to admit that Hordichuk is a waste of lineup space. Seriously, what is the point of his handful of minutes each night? Nobody is getting intimidated by this plug and Tom Renney thought so much of Ben Eager, the other ruffian, that he sat him. Might be sending a message to Eager or maybe he's still not over that concussion, Eager, that is, not Renney.
Seriously though the argument is always 'you never played the game' and 'they bring a lot to the table in terms of intangibles' - well they don't score or defend or hit or intimidate the other team or stop the other team from running the kids so ....
2/ Get rid of the useless vets!! They're useless. Well, there are so few on this team one can take a quick look around and see Smyth leading the team in scoring, Horcoff leading the team in icetime amongst forwards, taking the tough competition and tough zonestarts and Gilbert, well, what can one say about Tom Gilbert. Averaging five minutes more than anyone else on the club in icetime. Playing the toughs. On pace for forty points. And what, one bad game to show in twenty?
Back to Horcoff for a second. Nobody can get past the contract but I've never been able to understand why folks hate this guy. Andy Grabia was asking me how he could win an argument about Horcoff being a good player with someone who despised him. No advanced stats, Andy said.
Watch the game I said. Buddy starts in his own zone against the heaviest dudes the league has to offer, he is barely a minus, he's on pace for just under fifty points. What the hell else do you want? You don't like the fancy stats? Watch the fucking game then and if you don't see his value or the fact that because of the role he plays the kids get some shelter (and I love the kids don't get me wrong) then you. don't. know. hockey.
3/ This team is really really good. This team is really really bad.
Look here, this team is in between. They'll have their bad home games but for the most part they're a much improved club, at least at home. They need some help on the blue though. And they'll have their good road games but for the most part they're easy prey when they hit the road, especially against those big physical grinding clubs like Dallas and Phoenix. The depth is not there yet and the kids are too callow still.
Its going to take time but really other than the strangeness surrounding Paajarvi and the absolute collapse of Theo Peckham I don't have many complaints about this club and where they're at, which is further ahead than I figured. They just need Whitney to come back and stay healthy and for something, anything, from that third line.
And that's the truth.
Posted by Black Dog at 4:30 PM