Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Kingdom For The Big Fella

Had a bowl of ice cream last night and it made me think of my old friend. It was just over a month ago that I came home from Dublin and noticed that something was off with his eye. It was the beginning of the end. It was a tough couple of months.

Old Ben (actually Ben at all ages) loved his ice cream which I gave to him sparingly as a special treat. We generally avoided giving him people food with the exception of cheese and spaghetti (that dog loved spaghetti) but the odd time I would give him a little ice cream and when we were finishing a carton I'd throw it on the floor and he'd stick his head in there and push it around the kitchen as he cleaned it out. Good old days.

Last night I was up with the youngest who has a bit of the red ass going on (literally, not in the Lou Pinella sense of the word) and then once I had that taken care of and was back in bed shortly thereafter the boy came in having had a nightmare and so it was to his room and we got that squared away and fucking right I am father of the year. Every year. I'm the Nick Lidstrom of Dads.

So I'm back in bed and I'm drifting off and all of a sudden the cat comes back in and decides that its time to play and so my body becomes a trampoline and my feet become prey and while I resist the urge to fire it out the window the fact is we have a problem. I fire it out into the hall and close the door and its meowing and banging into the door and I'm wondering if the kids would question kitty "going to the farm".

Last week I was heading out the door with my oldest to go pick up our younger two. We were hauling a table out at the same time that I was moving on Kajiji.

Here's the thing about my oldest. She's a sweet sweet kid. Sharp? You bet. Really smart. Its not bragging if its true you know. She's really really bright. She is me as a kid, I was a smart little dude.

Also I was a flake. I was the type who could impress you with my knowledge, quoting Shakespeare, all the while not realizing that I wasn't wearing pants. Very little has changed to be honest.

My daughter is cut from the same cloth. She is me. Which is good news for her generally except for the unibrow thing.

And the flaky thing. She is forever forgetting things, walking around with her head in the clouds. It makes my wife mental but it can't be helped.

So this afternoon we were walking this table out the door, she was helping which was cute and appreciated and all of a sudden I see you know what coming down the stairs.

The cat, I said. The cat is coming. Put the table down and pick her up.


The cat. Pick up the cat.


Sweetie put the table down and pick up the cat before she walks out the door.

And then she did, walk out the door that is.

Motherfucking cat.

Its under a hedge next door and after about five minutes of cajoling and muttered curses it saunters out and my daughter picks her up and then, as we get back to the house, she lets her go, for no reason really.

Another fifteen minutes passed and we chased that goddamn cat from house to house halfway down our street, including at least once when I flushed it out and my oldest, god bless her, let it walk right by, before we finally got our hands on it.

Fucking cat.

Reminds me of those old comics, you know, when you had way too much cheese in your house, so much cheese that its getting stinky, so you bring in a few mice to eat the cheese and then next thing you know you have too many mice and so then you bring in a cat to take care of the mice and then next thing you know you have too many cats, like maybe one, and then you need to bring in the dog to clean the whole mess up.

That's what we're needing.

Impossible? Well I always thought so but a couple of weeks ago we were at a maple sugar bush and a little black pup was hanging out there and on the way back we passed a sign that said puppies for sale and I mentioned how I missed that old boy and Jenn said just wait a couple of years.

A light at the end of the tunnel.

Meanwhile, anyone want a kitten? For free. Actually I will give you money.

I kid. Sort of.


The Oilers continue to play out the string. Mercifully its almost over and we will have over five months to recover until we start it all over again. Its been a disaster as we all know, reminiscent of the spring of 2007. Its an AHL lineup through and through. They can't score and they can't defend and it can't end fast enough.

You know its been a bad run when coughing up a big lead to your biggest rival ranks as probably the best game you have played in a long time. Certainly the most entertaining.

I have decided that its the radio for me when I watch the late games on CBC from now on. I complain endlessly about Kevin Weekes, time to just stop listening to that smarmy, dull, foolish man. I've never heard such poor commentary in decades of watching hockey. A block of cheese would add to the quality of the broadcast - addition by subtraction you know.

Anything nice to say about our poor Oilers? Well I'm loathe to jump the gun and call Teemu top six material based on a handful of games but man is he a dynamic player or what? Big and physical and his motor always running and he makes things happen offensively as well. That rush the other night against the Kings was really something. He may have been a sixth round pick but he's going to cover that bet and then some. He's a player. He'll break camp with the big club next year and I wonder if his emergence impacts what they think of Jones. Still LW looks like Hall/Paajarvi/Jones/Teemu if they sign the chubby guy with the flowing locks.

And Vandevelde doesn't look out of place. Plus he can win draws. Despite a pedestrian rookie pro year in OKC I think he has put a big foot forward towards next season as well, most likely as that big fourth line centre this club has lacked in forever.

Other then that, I've got nothing.


PDO said...

Know what the problem with getting a piece of cheese instead of Kevin Weekes is?

That would lead to mice, and then we'd need a fucking cat to get rid of 'em...

Black Dog said...

Fuck well that's easy.

We get rid of Weekes and CBC can have my cat to get rid of the mice.

Arcanas said...

Weekes makes me miss things like ingrown toenails and line drives to the balls. Fuck he's bad.

Showerhead said...

Arcanas: I was never much of a hitter in baseball, much more a speed player, but one of the most powerful swings I ever took put a line drive square into the pitcher's nuts. He took the impact and fell over onto his back while the ball just stayed there pressed against his crotch in place of the two it had just destroyed.

I was called out.

Showerhead said...

...and to tie this back into the post, it still felt better than listening to Weekes at night?

I'm actually pretty forgiving of people whose jobs it is to be creative and compelling on the fly, it's definitely one of those things in life that's way harder to do than people who've never tried it think, but Weekes is one of those guys who has made me less forgiving as I get older.

hunter1909 said...

I miss your dog, and always liked black labs the most anyway.

Tell your wife they make great lifeguards(truth), and jump in at a seconds notice and save small kids who are drowning.

That should speed up the(dog) rebuild at your house.

Oilers? LOL, they're the 30th place team in the NHL 2 seasons running. Nothing to write a=home about, other than next season for about 3 weeks(did I say weekes?)

Alice said...

The best thing about VV winning the draws has been the Dmen going "WTF is this?" as it goes by them into the neutral zone. It's been so long, they forget what it looks like coming back clean and fast like that. They'll have to learn to defend winning the draw.

manch - Pat's house

Rider Guy said...

I don't get the negativity about the Oilers. You guys know we just have to hang on until the CBA is done and then it will level the economic playing field and we'll be able to compete with the big boys like Detroit, right?

*sarcasm off*

hunter1909 said...

Thanks Rider Guy.

I needed that. Especially after watching the first OIL CHANGE this morning, with a hangover on YOUTUBE.

All I can say about that is, boy oh boy, have we got a lot of shitty people running this hockey team.

peacecountry said...

Weekes is bad no doubt but man did I ever hate Greg Millen. I always said that if I ever met him in person I would have no choice but to punch him directly in the nose. A few years ago I did meet him and wouldn't you know it..... after talking to him for a few minutes turns out he is a pretty friendly guy. Lol Still is my most hated color man of all time though.

As for the radio.... man did I enjoy listening to a few games on the radio when I was icefishing on Lesser Slave Lake this winter. It takes me back to the days growing up. I think every hockey fan should listen to a few games a year on the radio!

macaotim said...

After 2 years away, we are returning home in 3 months and will pick up our dog 3 days later. Looking forward to seeing the pooch again. She will be 2 years older, and 2 years slower (I hunt with my dog), but I want to taker her into the field and watch her chase deer, point birds, get "stung" by porcupines and generally disturb shit, as she is so adept at doing! It would be nice Oiler management would quit fucking the dog, so to say, and do something to address needs, fix the Happy-Boozin' problem and generally ice a rebuilding team that is not designed to sacrifice the kids to the hockey gods on a nightly basis. Is that to much to ask of these dog-fuckers?

uni said...

I have absolutely no dislike of Khabibulin. He is what he is, a one time very good goaltender who's past his prime and broken down as age betrayed him at the highest level of hockey.

Presented a large contract for long term he did what 99.99% of us would do; sign immediately and try not to giggle like a little schoolgirl full of glee as he did so.

What I do dislike is the management who offered him the contract. The management that grossly misjudged the goaltender market (the entire blogroll here saw what Toonces apparently couldn't) and offered the contract in the first place.

People need to place their ire where it belongs. Toonces et al, not Khabibulin.

macaotim said...

I agree with you Uni...the Khabi problem exists, but it was completely a managerial issue. Horcoff, too. Although, the latter is still a good player. I hear too much about if Hemsky had a good center blah, blah, blah. Well, if Horc had a good winger who was not injured all the time then, blah, blah, blah, too!

It's not like either player has an attitude/effort/drinking issue...well, ok, scratch the drinking thing. But, they both seem to be good soldiers in a way that simply took what was offered.

Who is the 0.01% you speak of?

Swabbubba said...

The Lee\Weekes combo has me considering Rosetta Stone for Punjabi. lee is about 10 seconds behind and Weekes thinks it about the latest GQ. All I know is every team that plays the Oilers is a cup winner over and over. So the team has had issues but what does not destroy you makes you stronger. You know there are some diamonds in this bunch. Are they going to be superstars err no but as group they are going to be a functioning bunch. We need a D man bad to lead the younger guys. I am loving the #56 #28 the way they play. So I want Jones signed for 3 years that is all ty.
Would I like to be in playoffs sure but one and out nooooo. All you get is a MOR pick.. so i like a bonofide chance at possible superstar... and the scouts did good last year.. We are #30