Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Girl Who Gave Me Beer And Took Me Home

There's a song by Chantal Kreviazuk called Surrounded and it opens with these lines:

I was there
When you shone as bright as Bethlehem from afar
I was there
When you were young and strong and perverted
And everything that makes a young man a star
Oh, you were a star

Now I'm not one to have regrets or to worry about what has passed and what will come and I certainly am not one of those guys who rues that those days when I was young, truly young I mean, not young like I am now, are gone. They came and they went and when I was in the midst of them I made the most of them. Those were the days. When you're a young man you have to live a young man's life, so I always thought, because when the time comes when you have a baby in your arms and you are responsible for that child and all that will follow for him or her then its time to put the pursuits of a young man behind you, the drinking and smoking and fucking and all of the crazy youthful shit.

But when you're young then be the madman.

I can't remember the exact summer, it was either '89 or '90, that's all I know. It was one of a series of glorious summers. I had a job where I worked outside and made terrific money and while I worked hard we had a small crew of young guys so we had a good time. During the week I coached soccer in the evenings and I spent my weekends wandering the earth, sun burned and feet dusty, not a care in the world, drifting in whatever direction the wind pushed me.

My job was checking gas lines and meter sets for leaks and every year we had to do a sweep of the downtown grids of every city in the region. When it came to my hometown it always meant a special day because it meant getting downtown at around four in the morning to do the work before the city awoke and traffic made it impossible to do the job properly. It was always a two man job as well. Sudbury has never been a dangerous town, although its a pretty tough one, but poking around alleyways before the sun has come up probably isn't a good idea in any sizeable city.

So we had to get up at four but the deal was that when we finished we were free to go which meant a long weekend could be had. And we had it down to a science so we would finish up around eight in the morning, do our paperwork, grab breakfast, get a quick nap and then start our weekend. So of course being young and dumb that way the Thursday night before instead of hitting the hay early we hit the bars and I got nice and greased up.

There were two of us and my pal was a little bit older and he had a serious girlfriend (they ended up getting married) and as a result he didn't give a shit and so he would talk to anyone and everyone. Nothing doing for him, he just liked to feel like he was still in the game, plus it made nights like this more interesting. Going out with him was great because I was never the type to walk up to someone in a bar and strike up a conversation.

Now at this time if I recall correctly I was having some luck with the women and so as a result I was entirely myself whenever I got to talking to a girl at a bar or at a party. When it comes to women it worked like this for me back in the day. If I were going through a dry spell my overactive libido would make my life miserable. I would go out and if I saw a pretty girl I would become tongue tied and pretty well useless because I was an immature tool who could only think of one thing (other than getting loaded). And so the slump would extend and it would get worse and worse until finally one day I would file my papers for the priesthood at the local parish because why the hell not, I had already taken a vow of celibacy. And then I would go out and not give a shit and I would be relaxed and the first girl I talked to I would make her laugh and then we'd end up making out under a tree somewhere.

And then I would be mellow and so it would begin to ramp up and my luck would change and then next thing you know I'm getting laid and now I'm on top of the world and I'm relaxed as hell and I'm tearing the cover off the ball, so to speak. I mean even my outs are screaming line drives that just settle into a lucky infielder's glove.

But then I would get too cocky and I'd be full of myself and all of a sudden I'd hit a slump and then next you know I can't even get one to go in off my ass and suddenly I find myself pressing and I'm back to square one.

Seriously this was my life for a decade when it came to women.

So on this particular night, for some reason, I can't remember, I was riding the wave and so when my buddy started talking to two very attractive (and tall!) women I went right along, no problem, cool as can be and soon we were laughing and going back to a stone building in the older part of town where one had her apartment, one of these beautiful old buildings built back in the twenties with the high ceilings and big old windows. We had a couple of beers and then myself and the girl whose apartment it was, a tall cool blonde with a sexy voice and a few years on me, retired to her room where we made out for a little bit until my buddy (who had only had a couple of beers all night) came and banged on the door as it was time to go to work.

I got her number and called a few days later but she never called back which I thought was a shame but really for all my bravado I figured she was a bit out of my league and so I thought I'd just enjoy that what happened happened.

And so a week had gone by and we went to our usual Friday night haunt and it turns out (I am sure I knew this but I can't remember exactly, way too many cells have plunged off the cliff) that she was a bartender there. She sees me and she smiles and next thing I know I have a free beer and there's a round for my buddies and they are quite impressed. And all night whenever I finish my beer and turn around she's there grinning with another and at the end of the night she comes over and has one with me after last call and then another and then she calls a cab and we head back to her place and there you go.

In the morning well here we go again and then after a short while she takes a shower and tells me to take my time and just lock the door on my way out as she has to hit it.

And so I roll over and fall back asleep with a gentle breeze pushing the curtains in and the sun shining and I get up finally and make some coffee and have a shower and then I walk into town and grab a paper and walk up to the high school where a bunch of the guys are playing some soccer. I fuck around a bit but I'm no player and so I lean against a fence and read my paper and drink my coffee and feel stunned about it all until the game wraps up and we head back to Frank's to start drinking.

The best thing is that this went on for weeks, right into August when I unknowingly broke the rules, calling her at her place on a Saturday night, stumbling over, she at home having drinks with a few friends. I stayed over that night but that was the last and the next time I saw her she was polite but there were no drinks and no invites back to her lovely apartment. Summer was almost over by this time so it wasn't the end of the world but it wasn't the first time I've been led astray by the old cock and balls. Couldn't leave well enough alone, eh fellows? Had to get greedy.

Man she was a fox.


Really there's nothing about the Oilers that equates to that story because I was twenty one or so and I had casual no strings attached sex with a beautiful woman who gave me free beer.

Um, the Oilers won five Stanley Cups in seven years? That would be it I guess.

Ok, ok, have to tie this in somehow but I'm distracted now, damnit.


The Oilers have had one very good game and one so-so game. They really did not deserve that win over Florida but sometimes you get the breaks and Khabibulin, who was shaky looking (to be fair he was probably a little rusty) in game one, turned in a nice performance to earn the two points in game two.

Other than him there wasn't much to recommend about the Oilers' performance. Gilbert was really terrific and he and Smid have had a nice start. Peckham looked fine although he got caught watching on Reasoner's second goal. If he's still doing that a year from now then its a problem but right now at this moment after two games ( ;) ), he looks like a player. For what its worth. I like Theo, what can I say? He's a throwback to the little teams that could and I'm cheering for the big goof.

Up front well, um. Hmm. Ryan Jones had a good game? Eberle is one smart cookie, he certainly does not look out of place. And, um. Well that's all I've got. Some other guys were fine, they just didn't do a whole lot. Against Florida. Ugh.

Meanwhile Shawn Horcoff is just walking up to women, giving them a sly grin and ending up in the back seat of his buddy's K-Car right now. Two goals and not a shot taken on either of them. Here's hoping that this continues, buddy has had an awful run of luck this last while.

And the PK is perfect so far which is gratifying after the shitshow of the past couple of years. By the way did you know that Hemsky played more on the PK against the Flames than he did all of last season.

In total.


We'll see tonight how much of Sunday was Florida and how much was the Oilers. Likely the truth lies in between. I've enjoyed these first two victories thank you very much and I'm hoping to see the odd one here and there as the season progresses. I'd prefer that they are deserved but hey I'll take the lucky ones too. No need to sneer at them right now. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once and a while. Don't deny him his Saturday morning newspaper and coffee in the sun. :)


Frankie said...

Damn Pat,

Another great read. I've been reading your blog for years but have never left a comment.

You're the best read on the net. You really need to write a book if you haven't already!



grease trap said...

Way to bring it home.

I laughed.

Black Dog said...

Thanks Frankie.

GT - thanks, I'm glad.

So much for that PK though.

Coach pb9617 said...

The best thing is that this went on for weeks, right into August when I unknowingly broke the rules, calling her at her place on a Saturday night, stumbling over,

The drunk dial has ruined greater men than you or I. And no matter how often you warn a fellow, as soon as he's properly intoxicated, his fingers hit the dialpad.

uni said...

Hmm, so young men are supposed to get all liquored up and be mad men fucking around. Damn I never got that memo.

Write a book BD, you've had a heckuva a live so far, and you're a helluva writer. Hemmingway's smemmingway is what I say.

Lee said...

That was some seriously good writing. Henry Miller meets Jack Kerouac with a Charles Bukowski chaser but yet completely original ; )

I've always hated that phrase "youth is wasted on the young." It's not wasted at all if you are smart enough to live in the moment and enjoy the gifts of youth while you have them. No regrets. Great read BD. It and the post before it certainly bring to mind one of my favorite GnR songs.

"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Time just fades the pages
In my book of memories"

uni said...

I'm not sure, but is Traktor propositioning BD?

spOILer said...

Traktor, do you have any idea how small you make yourself look? How pathetic? How bitter and twisted? And the poetic justice is that you do it to yourelf.

Black Dog said...

I do take back what I said though. It was totally unfair. If Traktor was as obsessed about Horcoff as I thought he would say things like:

'you're fourth rate like Horcoff'


'you suck, like Horcoff'

sorry pal, I take it all back

uni said...

Or he'd have a walls covered in pictures of Horcoff with a multitude of various cutting and skewering implements embedded in them.

I think it was an overly strong reaction BD, but then again Traktor makes 'strong' posts like that frequently. No excuse to sink to his level though I guess.

I can stand his constant reminders of his opinions; I just can't excuse or tolerate his personal attacks on people. Woodguy did nothing to warrant that sort of response from him.

Also BD, I blame you for the locking of the LT game day thread. The rules of honour dictates that you must now start a game day thread and it must be of equal or greater awesomeness comparative to LT's game day thread.

Sidenote: verification word is "motel", funny since the lady friend has kicked me out for the week haha.

Traktor said...

If I was obsessed I would probably created a blog. Or log scoring chances.

Actually that would just make me a wannabe like the others.

HBomb said...

To BDHS: Good on ya for saying what needed to be said, thread-locking notwithstanding.

To Traktor: There is no "I" in "Team", but there is a "U" in "C*nt".

(I typed that second one not because it's 100% relevant to the discussion, but rather simply because I'd never ever get away with it in Lowetide-land, and probably rightfully so).

Traktor said...


Remember when you said Horcoff/Gagner = Rod Brind'Amour/Staal

Or that Nicklas Backstrom isn't as good as Horcoff because he can't handle the toughs?

Fucking tard.

Yes, Cogs sucks but he is still better than the emo Sam "KD Lang" Gags.

HBomb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HBomb said...

The only retard is the individual who tries to argue that Andrew Cogliano is better than Sam Gagner and takes any comment which opposes his obsessed and unhealthy position on Shawn Horcoff out of context and attempts to twist it to discredit the individual making the comment. (For the record, at the time I talked about Backstrom, he had yet to prove himself power-vs-power, and I clearly stated that comparing Horcoff/Gagner to Brind'Amour/Staal was an analogy about the roles and not the absolute abilities of any of the players in question, but you're clearly too much of a mouth-breathing douchebag to understand such simple concepts).

Get lost, loser. I don't have time for individuals who have an IQ that's less than half of mine, and even that might be a generous estimate - simply typing this response is probably giving you way more credit than you deserve. Any blog which you post in the comments section of is worse-off for your simple presence (pun intended).

spOILer said...

This comment thread makes no sense now without Traktor throwing pie at his own face.

Traktor said...

You would think with that BIG IQ of yours you could find a job outside of Fort Mac.


Guess beggars can't be choosers.

HBomb said...

Because I work in Fort Mac, where the money is good, makes me any less smart?

Actually, quite the opposite, and I'll explain for the benefit of those who would actually have the brainpower to understand (i.e. not you) - I'm taking advantage of a timely opportunity to make WAY more money than I could in Calgary or Edmonton at a time in my life when it's feasible for me to do so (for the record, I had no less than a half-dozen job opportunities at the time I took this one) and, as such, accelerate things such as mortgage pay-down, retirement investment, and the like.

Two years from now, I'll be back working in the city, still making a comfortable income, quite happy with my decision and well established heading into my 30's.

Two years from now, you'll still be an asshole with the IQ of a houseplant. Until that time (and after, for that matter), go fuck yourself.

uni said...

HBomb, most people think what you're saying, but there's no point. This is an arena where Traktor excels, mudslinging. This comment section shouldn't devolve into a flame war.

To be honest I really used to enjoy Traktor's input 3 years ago. I'm not sure what happened between then and now but he's clearly become somewhat fanatical. He has his stance and you'll never convince him otherwise. Falling into a name calling contest is pointless, you may well be correct but you'll never win because he's not playing by the same rules as you.

Even BD tried to calm things down and expressed regret with the words he chose earlier.

Traktor, I sincerely hope you return to the comparatively affable and insightful commenter you used to be in years past. I'm not trying to malign you here. I just wonder if you know what you're doing is truly nonconstructive. Taking excerpts of what people say out of context and twisting them is bound to draw ire. The largest issue though is the ad hominem attacks you instigate, it's just not something you should do. I'm working from the assumption here that you're not just posting on threads to try to get a reaction and draw attention to yourself; from your posts circa 2007 I got the sense that you were truly a fan that wanted to express himself and not just a mediocre troll.

hunter1909 said...

Been studiously avoiding all Oilers news since the last game - looking forward to the saturday night BOA too much to give much of a fuck about a piddling team like the Wild - who of course should be able to give this youthful but superstars in the making Oilers of 2010 a loss, but take in mind only until the big three figure it all out

- right now Oilers are one of the most envied teams in NHL right now because of those three.

PS: Flames are weeping and gnashing much over their first three games, LOL.

Too many reasons not to expect a Win from the young'uns tonight. Black Dog deals with that. :)