Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Follow me in merry measure

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven Aching Bodies, Six Fucking Douchebags, Five ... Straight ... Road ... Wins ........ Four Pints of Beer, Three Frenchmen, Two Sausages and Lubomir Visnovsky.

My little French Canadian grandmother said once, with a little bit of bitterness:

I would like to talk to ooever call them 'The Golden Year'

She buried my grandfather and then her second husband had a massive stroke that left him an invalid for seven years before she laid him in the ground too. He was unable to talk and could not get around very well and she took care of him every single day and night for all of those years. Her mother and three of her siblings lived to be over a hundred and so when she passed at eighty eight there was some anger in our family, for the feeling was that she had been worn down over all of those years of being a caregiver.

Probably right but when his family offered little more than 'put him in a home' after his stroke, my grandmother, stubborn and tough, declined and took it upon herself to keep him in their home as long as she could. He was ninety when a second stroke felled him, we lived in Florida at the time, fifteen minutes away, he had collapsed on the floor and somehow my tiny grandmother had lifted him on top of the bed where we found him sprawled, rushing over when she called, the paramedics there just before us. He lasted a few days in the hospital and then came back home to die.

Getting old is an awful thing. Last winter my dad tore a bicep muscle yanking at a frozen shed door, it gave him trouble until the spring and then he had a problem with his shoulder, likely related to that. We were visiting in the summer and he was achy and Mom had lost her balance and scraped up her arm nicely and so one night he cleaned her arm and applied the bandages and then he turned and she put some salve on his shoulder. Mom winked and said 'Ah the golden years' and they began to laugh their heads off.

The big fellow keeps trundling along but his hips are bad. Getting down is easy, he just lets those hind legs slide out from under him. Getting up is a little harder. He's not in any pain or so it seems - maybe he's just being stoic. I can knead those hind quarters pretty good and he doesn't give a whimper. Of course that also seems to be a fairly sizeable erogenous zone for him so maybe its all a put on like when I tell my wife that I need my groin massaged after a game.

Unlike me, she doesn't seem to fall for it though.

I've been lucky so far but let me tell you its amazing as you get older how suddenly things that were once easy to do become a little more difficult. After a game it takes me a couple of days to get going again. Now I'm not in the greatest shape but I'm not a mess either.

Its a bit of a bad deal.

Not as bad as the deal that the Oilers have Khabibulin though. Of course nobody could have seen this coming.

Oh right. Nearly everyone but Steve Tambellini did.


Krazy Rick said...

Hey BD,

Getting old isn't a bad thing, unless you've abused your body for a lifetime. Most people don't think about the consequences until it's way too late!
Me, for example. I would try just about anything once ( this is where I got the nickname), if I liked it, I'd do it again, if not... well, you get the drift!!
However, I'm paying for it now. Knees hurt all the time, hips give me a real problem and my shoulders ache 24/7!
But, you know what??? I wouldn't change a thing!! It's been a FUN ride and I've had a ball! I get to tell my kids about a few of the less colorful exploits and my oldest(20) is praying that what I've got is not hereditary!! The youngest(17), is doing his best to prove it is!!!
My friends used to tell me I'd be lucky to see 30. As the years went by and I passed 50, I started to think that maybe they were right. Youth brings invincibility, age brings sensibility. Now, as I push 60, every year is GOLDEN!!


itchy said...

Its funny....I used to tell people I'd rather live 50 years of glorious life, doing what I want whenever I want, eating, drinking, smoking, carousing, paying no attention to the effects it has on my body, enjoying every single second of every single day with no regard for the future because you only live once right? Then I had kids. All of a sudden I'm living for someone else more than for myself, living through them so to speak. I couldn't imagine leaving them before they're grown as a result of my brash decisions in my youth. So here I sit, drinking a decaffinated tea, reading my favorite blog in the world, ordering a reduced sodium lunch at the age of 29. Hopefully it pays off and I live to see my kids hit 50, nevermind myself.

Black Dog said...

good stuff itchy, and don't forget the grandkids ;)

you only live once but while I enjoyed my youth right to the hilt (and still enjoy a lot of the, lets say, more physical pleasures of life) there's a lot to be said for other things that are out there

my folks are pushing eighty and still have a ball


good stuff KR

Darren said...

You old guys make me alittle nervous about getting older. I am 25 and already wake up with sore ankle due to numorous injuries. Should I be worried for the 40 mark? lol

spOILer said...

I'm 44 this Jan and I'm paying now for the way I used to play sports when I was younger.

When I was at the U of A, I set the record for most intramural sports played. There were nights where I would play soccer (1 hr matches), play another full game of soccer ringing for another team, off to waterpolo, followed by a badminton game to cap the evening off.

But I also spent part of 3 of 5 University winters on crutches.

I've torn the ligaments in both ankles so many times I practically need to sit down to put my pants on. Balancing on anything is impossible.

And the knees aren't much better.

The Docs have long since banned me from sports, but I only knew one way to play back then--full out for the win.

Since those days, I've now had melanoma twice and I'm missing chunks out of my right leg and my right knee is permanently swollen with edemic fluid... and when I was staring death straight in the face I could say I was glad I played full out back in my youth, but since I've beaten back that wimp and life continues on, sure would be nice to be able strap on the skates or make another glorious sliding tackle.

Nobody knows what life will bring. It's all a guess at the future, so there's no right way or wrong way to play. But I would say Darren, at 25, unless you're a professional athlete, it might be time to ease off the pedal a tad.

Word ver: "balloaki". I think the NSA is cyber-stalking me or something.

Dennis said...

I was getting ready to scoff at Pat and then I realized I'd misplaced a half-can of Diet 7-up.

Damn you, binge drinking!

hunter1909 said...

I don't understand diet drinks at all. Only fat people ever drink them.

Dennis said...

Hunter: what about reformed fat people?:)

Anyway, you keep on practicing drinking pints and then you can get back to me about Diet-7up:)

Black Dog said...


spOILer - jeez you've been through the wringer

Darren - you're going to get just regular old dings when you get older, my knees are ok but not great and the odd time my back flares up just enough to give me pause

nothing serious yet though

as spOILer says who knows what's coming, best to enjoy now but remember there's plenty to enjoy down the road too if you get there, I couldn't imagine not being able to strap on the skates once a week and getting out there

Darren said...

The thing that makes me nervous isn't so much the pain, it's the fear that as my kids get older I will not be able to run with them. I have already competly torn a ligament in my right ankle to the point of it needing surgury to ever be repaired, and the left ankle will dislocate if i move it wrong, or crack it. I simply cannot run without ankle braces anymore, and i always wanted to do a half marathon atleast...

Black Dog said...

Then you'd better cool it, pal. ;)

Doing a half and running with your kids are pretty good reasons to try and take it a little easier on the body.