Friday, December 18, 2009

Fast away the old year passes

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine Final Papers, Eight World Juniors, Seven Aching Bodies, Six Fucking Douchebags, Five ... Straight ... Road ... Wins ........ Four Pints of Beer, Three Frenchmen, Two Sausages and Lubomir Visnovsky

I was an awful student. I spent most of my time pursuing a good time rather than a higher education. I survived despite rarely attending class which says something about me and also says something about the state of higher education but what can you do?


I have a few tales of those days that actually involve schoolwork, for example the time that I had to write my year ending paper for a class I took on children's literature, yes you did read that right.

And so it was the night before it was due that I sat down and first thought about what I should do and it came to me, as in a vision, perhaps fuelled by my lemon gin hangover or the pot of coffee on my desk or perhaps by the girl on girl Penthouse letters I had just read.

Alice is a lesbian.

And so it was written that Alice in Wonderland likes to eat box, as they say, though I never would be that crude, no, not me, and that the whole crazy story was the drug addled pornographic fantasy of some repressed English whack job.

B -


Arcanas said...

Best. Paper. Topic. EVER. Wish I'd have thought of that when I took that book in university :)

PDO said...

I was so proud of myself when I got an A on a paper stating that Margarett Atwood was a sexist 'see you next tuesday' and that the book of hers I'd read was one of the worst books I've ever come across.

... I've been outdone. Horribly. Tip of the hat to you Pat.

Papers were made to be written the day before they were due though.

hunter1909 said...

It makes me laugh how self-congratulatory modern types effortlessly slag off the Victorians, who had unlimited access to marijuana, opium, cocaine and heroin.

In these 'enlightened' times, we throw hundreds of thousands in prison for daring to use these selfsame substances, while today's "leaders" attend climate change conferences in private jets - with limos, champagne and hookers thrown in for good measure.

Anonymous said...

LOL B- I'd love to read that piece

Ughhh lemon gin was my first real barf fest, and man it was lethal corrosive stuff coming back up. *shudder* And I swear I went blind for a time. Even now, years later, if I get a even a whiff of it I can taste a little vomit/that sour saliva beginning to form in my mouth.

I'm glad the Capitals are coming to town, though I still lament the fact we rarely see this team against ours. And is it just me or are the Rexhall crowds on HNIC nights especially subdued?

Anonymous said...

My favourite exam moment came from Property in first year law school. There's a rule that if you own property in joint tenancy with someone, on their death, you get the whole property without it going to probate. There's another rule though that if you kill someone with whom you own property in joint tenancy, the property doesn't pass to you - the law doesn't want to encourage that sort of behaviour.

Anyway, the question on the exam was something like: Sarah owns a property in joint tenancy with her only brother John. John never married and has no children. Sarah has two children. She has been diagnosed with incurable cancer and wants to ensure that her children get her share of the property. She has come to you for advice. What do you advise her to do?

My answer was: "She should kill her brother. Although she will then lose her rights to the property which would pass to his estate, as her children are his only relatives, they will ultimately receive the entire property. This produces a better result for her children than taking steps to break the joint tenancy, which would only result in a half interest for her children."

B+, and part of my only year in university on the Dean's List.

Anonymous said...

Bob MacKenzie on AM980 Radio talking about his new book "Hockey Dad". Touches very briefly on Liam Reddox who played with his son, Mike
@ 9:42pm mark

basically just says how Reddox was the best southern Ontario player at 8 yrs old at that time "by a long shot" "beat everyone on the ice...scored at will". And how he would never passed the puck LOL

Showerhead said...

Seeing this reminded me to check Facebook and read my friend's A+ paper on the science behind dead baby jokes. She's a fun one, that girl.

As for you guys, wow. Alice in Wonderland should kill that good for nothing brother of hers so Snow White can move in, drink gin, and eat box like it's the only good thing left in this cold cold world. Plus for you dead baby lovers, Snow White can work the blender while Alice gets the tostitos ;)

Anonymous said...

Also, Stephen Brunt talks about his book "Gretzky's Tears"
@ 11:14pm

Black Dog said...

anon - yeah Lemon Gin was a scourge for us back in the day, funny what you'll drink when you're on the cheap. I was always worried that I'd come home and fire some back straight and wake up without sight. Never happened though, I had a little bit of sense, not much.

Great stuff Ty.