Friday, November 27, 2009

The Mustache As Metaphor or Sam Gagner Is Just A Boy

By the time you read this it may have been confirmed that Ales Hemsky is done for the season.

And so the depth on RW - O'Sullivan, Stortini, Nilsson um ... - is now about the same as LW - Penner, Moreau, Jacques, um ...

Of course considering the majority of comments at the Journal that I read this morning this is probably the best thing that could have happened to this club.

Which tells you all you need to know about a good number of fans of the Edmonton Oilers. A guy averaging a point per game, who can play against the other team's better players and is a plus seven on this shitshow goes down and they cheer.

Well they're going to get the team that they deserve. Really they already are.

We're looking at four straight years out of the playoffs if its true. Even with Hemsky it was likely they were going to miss out again.

And that is fully on management's shoulders. Of course they already have their excuses.

You want to know the problem with this club? Its the same as its been for years. Not enough quality NHL players. Watch the game tonight and check out the boys playing the men from the San Jose Sharks. Gagner. O'Sullivan. Brule. Jacques. Potulny. The departed Liam Reddox.

Check out the tiny little hairs sprouting from their upper lips.

There's no shame in it. Its just when you spend a month not shaving if that's the best that you can come up with its probably not the best thing that the hopes of an NHL team ride upon your shoulders.

You need a few men at least.


As you can see the stash is magni-fu-cent. Its cost me what remained of my dignity and my sex life but its been worth it. So far over 600.00 has been donated to this stash to fight prostate cancer. One in six men in Canada will get prostate cancer, so if you want to give a little or a lot to a good cause then please check out and chip in please. I'd appreciate it. Its probably too late for me but maybe the next generation won't have to deal with getting an annual finger up the ass.

Unless you dig that sort of thing. Then, well, now this is an awkward moment now, isn't it.

Ah what the hell, whatever turns you on. Hell being an Oilers fan is like getting it up the ass from a bull elephant so what's a little digit here and there. Really.
So only three more days for this baby. Don't be late. Donate!


YKOil said...

Magnificent stache BD, truly inspiring :-)

Hemsky will be down for as much time as it takes for the Oilers brass to 'man' him into coming back early.

At which point he won't be able to compete well.

Which will then convince the brass that he just isn't good enough to be a true Oiler.


HBomb said...

All I can say is this:

"Is there an issue, papa?"

Legendary it is. So legendary, I'm getting the credit card out of the wallet right now.

HBomb said...

Donation sent. And I'm buying the foundation's tie next time I'm at Golf Town to go with my "Hockey Fights Cancer" one.

Black Dog said...

Thanks very much HBomb, very much appreciated.

Almost at 1300.00 now. Finishing strong.

YKOil - if I cared I'd be depressed but what can I say? If they were a good club they could probably survive it but they are not a good club even with 83 in the lineup.

HBomb said...

I don't know if women are following suit for Movember, but let's just say last Sunday, I ran into a situation involving a 1970's style porno-muff that was highly unexpected (I figured shaving or waxing was pretty much the social norm these days - apparently not).

Given that a couple female friends admitted they grew "playoff beards" during spring of 2006 (which is just kind of awesome if you think about it), I'm wondering if that had something to do with it.

Word Verification: fratin.

Black Dog said...

Oh my God that's fucking hilarious.

And every type of awesome.

Coach pb9617 said...

I'm buying you an Indians jersey for Christmas.

HBomb said...

Has female pubic hair not been broached as a debate topic on the Oilogosphere before today?

If not, that's a tremendous oversight on par with Scott Stevens, Larry Murphy and Sergei Zubov having a combined zero Norris trophies between them.

Darren said...

"Ah what the hell, whatever turns you on. Hell being an Oilers fan is like getting it up the ass from a bull elephant so what's a little digit here and there. Really."

I thought it was safe to drink some water while reading about the 'stach at the end. You would think I'd learn. Now 'cuze me while i clean up all the water spit in laughter....

Bruce said...

Playoff beards ... love it. And, uh, them.

Anonymous said...

Has female pubic hair not been broached as a debate topic on the Oilogosphere before today?

What's to debate?

HBomb said...

mc79: While most of us probably prefer the hedges being trimmed, at the very least, Bruce's commentary suggests that there are some men out there that prefer things a bit more, well, primal (read: furry).

I'd think the debate would be very much split among age demographics. Shaved muff (and to me that's an oxymoron, since muff seems to imply a beaver pelt like appearance) didn't become the standard until what, the mid-1990's?

Dennis said...

HB: there was a time when I was into watching retro porn clips online and I mentioned it to my buddy and he laughed and said he'd gotten into a similar ritual a few months previous and that he eventually convinced his ladyfriend to "let it grow" and that this pleased him for about a week or so.

So, i was shagging around with this missus at the time and it was getting to that point where you are trying everything out and I suggested she stay away from the clippers for a few days.

Now, it's honest-to-goodness that sexual attraction is all in your head. Sure, it feels better mentally to drill someone that's hot rather than someone that's average or worse but if you can get past it, then the world is truly your oyster. When I was growing up we had this buddy who's father had a shed that he basically bequeathed to us and then we took it over and put in a big stereo system and, set up a TV and eventually ran the cable from the parents place. The place also had two beds that were partitioned and at times it was as if Caligula were reliving his teenage years in outport Newfoundland.

Later on we flew too close to the sun when someone;) came up with the idea that we'd ran our own bar in order to pick up some pocket money but that's a story for another time.

So, anyway, the guy who's father owned the shed, he had it figured out early on that skin was skin and the guy was plowing like a farmer on speed; the guy was racking up totals like a mature Barry Bonds playing Little League.

At the time I was laughing at him but all the while I was dating cute girls and taking months at a time before I could close the deal. Later on I reached my late teens and early 20's and became a frequent bar attendee and I embraced the quanity-over-quality concept with aplomb.

Which brings me back to the original point.

The first time I saw that old "friend" with a full mitt, it was on! It was like you convinced yourself it was a different girl or a different era and fuck we know that's the #1 reason guys chase or stray in the first place. But I tired of it after a four week weekend and then it was back to the 00's.

But, I still recommend everyone to give it a shot:)

But let's

Coach pb9617 said...

What's to debate?

Natural, Trimmed, Reverse Soul Patch, Landing Strip, or Bare.

I think we could make a go of it.

You may want to try:

Coach pb9617 said...

"Is there an issue, papa?"

Hate those commercials, love that chick.

HBomb said...

Coach: don't forget the "lightning bolt"!

Dennis: I think we're collectively taking Pat's blog to a new low (or high, depending on perspective) today.

Word verification: chuterea. Sounds like some sort of STD....

Coach pb9617 said...

I'd think the debate would be very much split among age demographics. Shaved muff (and to me that's an oxymoron, since muff seems to imply a beaver pelt like appearance) didn't become the standard until what, the mid-1990's?

Hmmmm, maybe this is why I'm a landing strip fan.

I mean, really, I'm a fan of all of their work.

HBomb said...

Hate those commercials, love that chick.

The commercials suck, but the moustaches are awesome.

The Wiser's one is even better:

"Warm toffee aroma, finishes smooth with a hint of spice and oak. And that's just my moustache!"


HBomb said...

Coach: a well trimmed landing strip is hot.

What I saw last Sunday was the equivalent of that one neighbor on the block who never cut his lawn and the grass was about two feet higher than all the other lawns.

Acted as a bit of a wrist cushion while I was finger-banging the gal, so I'm not complaining.

HBomb said...

Dennis: every man (and many women) goes through some sort of "nail everything left-right-and-centre" stage in their life. This is cold hard fact.

HBomb said...

A beef with "the management": Pat, why the hell isn't Inebriate Oiler Fans on your blogroll yet, huh?

Coach pb9617 said...


Cross between inebriated and illiterate ?

Coach pb9617 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coach pb9617 said...

Ah what the hell, whatever turns you on. Hell being an Oilers fan is like getting it up the ass from a bull elephant so what's a little digit here and there. Really.

The worst part is that we've been getting this up the ass for three and a half years.

Woodguy said...

Pie, pie, my oh my I love pie.

Women should look like women, not little girls.

I'm not saying that the hedge should never be trimmed, keep a quality shape and regular maintenance is important, but at no time should I get a stuble burn when down on a muffin.

It's kinda like my weekly #3 attachment on my beard trimmer to keep my goat full, yet tight.

Now, having a good hair pie increases the need for regular cleaning. Hair tends to hold smells. I love the musk of a woman, but it reminds me of the Billingsgate fish market, then some more consistent soap and water is needed.

Is there any better feeling that peeling down the panties for the first time and having a look/taste/sniff?

Pie, pie, my oh my.

Black Dog said...

Well apparently sex or talk of sex sells. I'm thinking by the end of this the record for comments on this site will be blown away.

HBomb - will fix the oversight on the blogroll.

As for personal experience, well my single days ran through the 80s up to the late 90s and one of the very last in those days had a "landing strip".

I remember being quite amazed, to be honest.

Have to say I'm with Woodguy, the whole bald thing kind of doesn't do it for me I think.

Neatly trimmed, somewhat shaven, I like. Bald I pass.

1400.00 now on the stash.

shepso said...

Pat, that creature on your lip is truly a thing of hideous beauty. I have rocked a similar lip broom on several occasions, but never quite to that magnitude...and it never raised nearly that kind of money either.

By the way, I've been reading the evolution of the comments here all day, but waited until after the madness died down to post. This page just keeps getting better and better by the week.

Next time I'm in Toronto (which is fairly regularly, as I'm just up the 401 in Kingston), I have to try and take in a game with you, if you'd be willing.

Black Dog said...

hey shepso thanks for the kind words about the page and the stash

I'd be up for a meet, sure. Always depends on the wife's work schedule - I can't get away as easily as most - but if we don't succeed at first, you know the old saw.

Cory Klein said...

Had to checkout the comments after I read the overflow at LT's last night. Absolutely hilarious.

Pat, been reading for quite some time and you've remained top notch. I've commented before but it's not usually my bag.

Black Dog said...

Thanks Cory, appreciate it.

Black Dog said...

And Dennis, my God man that was gold btw.

And Woodguy, as to your last question the answer to that is no, I posted about that feeling many months back.

Halfwise said...

I may have posted this Ladies Schick - "Mow the lawn" link here before, but regardless, it is both relevant to today's BDHS topic and most excellently entertaining.

Dennis said...

HB: women do this as well? Really?? Do you know any of them? Are they still doing it? And can I crash at your place for a month while I sew some more wild oats???

pat: one of these days I will tell the story of how me and three other fellows opened a bar out of that old aforementioned shed.

HBomb said...


- Yes, women do this as well.

- REALLY. I've been told as much.

- I know some, but some are past it and married, while some have yet to hit this phase.

- Yes, there are some still doing it.

- Sure, you can crash. I live a block off Whyte Avenue and an unnamed former Oilfans member already defiled my leather couch earlier this year, so it's not like there's some sort of ethical standard in place with regards to houseguest behavior.

Just stay out of the liquor cabinet - there's only about 40 bottles of hard stuff at my place, and I don't want to cut into my precious supply!

"Liquor? I don't even like her...."

Word verification: nocke. As in "nocke up"? Or should that be pronounced more like "nookie"?