Friday, November 06, 2009

Hey Oldtimer, Shut Up With Your Mustache Stories!




Today's thread at LT's features comments from RiversQ, Vic Ferrari and Andy Grabia. It was like old home week almost. All we needed were appearances from Loxy, Alana, the Prez and the Covered in Oil gang and sacamano and Colby Cosh and ... okay, well maybe it wasn't exactly like old times. Still for a second there it was like when the Oilers were good. Yeah I am that old.

Plus Tyler Dellow is on the lam apparently. The last we heard he had been deported to Croatia but apparently he hijacked a catamaran. Last he was seen he was sailing for the Isle of Lesbos. Because he's a dirty pervert. Not as big a pervert as Mike Winters.

But close.

Speaking of dirty perverts I'm taking the plunge for a second Movember. I've been ill all week so last night I hit the shower pretty scruffy and sour, essentially with five days of flu sweat, bed stink and dried couch jack to scrub off, plus that many days of facial hair to remove.

I grow it thick. When the beard comes in, once it gets past the awful black itchy stage, it comes in full, red and curly, like Kate Winslet's bush, only not as pretty. So I had a starting point already.

I already did regular stash two years back. Its time to crank it up a notch.

So we're going Fu Manchu.

And as you can see it is truly awesome in its awfulness. Absolutely hideous. The wife absolutely hates it. The boy loves it, probably because he thinks his Daddy looks like a cowboy or a relief pitcher or a porn star. Or maybe he thinks its ironic that his old man is totally gay looking.

Because at the end of this, in twenty four days, I am going to look exactly like a very ugly gay man. I'll be able to walk into The Toolbox, whip off my shirt and I will fit right in.

(I have been so I know of what I speak, btw. It was in the name of research, I kid you not. A story for another day.)

Other than Taylor Chorney I see no real challenge from the Oilers who are attempting this little challenge. Chorney looks entirely and totally awesome. The rest of the guys, meh. Maybe O'Sullivan, who looks like a creepy hobo, especially with the missing teeth, might pose a challenge.

And Patrick, what's with the smile? How about scoring once in a while? Then you can smile.

Surprisingly Stortini is not all that impressive. Very strange as when I see him the first thing that pops into my mind is back hair.

In a big way.

Its time for a diversion. It was last night that RiversQ said, quite simply:

This is awful.

And the Oilers have been just that. Now we know they aren't as good as their start but they're not this bad either. Injuries have hurt. Pretty well every guy with any size and sandpaper was out of the lineup last night, exceptions being Stortini and Moreau, who is just a shadow of his former self. Souray. Smid. Stone. Jacques. All out. And of course the only veteran centre on the roster is out as well. And Hemsky is hurt. And the flu has not run its course.

Who knew you might need a guy who could provide two way play, win draws, get the puck moving the right way etc etc.? Even Horcoff struggling is twice the player of nearly every other Oiler forward.

Tsk.

So what do the Oilers have in a week or so once they have everyone back, we hope, except for Souray.

The goaltending has been decent.

The blue is nice and deep. Chorney has shown some good things and Peckham will be fine once he is fully healthy and Smid is getting the Lubo push. So there's actually some depth there and a bit of a nice mix of players.

Up front they have one terrific line and they can cobble together a good fourth line (pick your players) and I think they can find a decent group to take on the softs.

The problem, again, is the lack of NHL players, especially on the left wing and in the middle.

Its especially galling when you look at LW and see the starts that Smyth, Torres and Glencross have had and then look at the Oilers and realize that number two on their depth chart is, um, Comrie? Jacques?

Je Sus.

And once again the complaint is not so much these moves as individual moves, though you can have at it, I certainly have, or in jettisoning Pronger, Spacek, Tarnstrom (twice), Hejda, Sykora, Winchester, Samsonov, Dvorak, Stoll, Reasoner, Peca, Cole, Kotalik, Thoresen and Brodziak.

Some of these guys were leaving regardless. For some the return was very good. And yes, some of these guys were definitely bit players and easily replaced.

Except they were not replaced.

And so the team lacks veterans and has lacked veterans for four seasons now. Pat Quinn remarked the other day on how this club is lacking players who can win puck battles and get the puck moving the right way and play their positions and who have experience and you look at that list and you know what?

A few guys on that list or their equivalents would certainly help.

A guy like Brodziak who scores a little and can PK and win some draws would help now that Horcoff has gone down.

Hell a guy like Patrick Thoresen would help now. The guy could play hockey. He wasn't going to score a lot but he's a lot better player than a few guys on the Oilers' roster right now.

Was a guy like Thoresen replaceable? Sure. But if you don't replace him then where are you?

You are where the Oilers are now. Hoping that Pisani is not done. (Sadly, he may be.) Hoping that Moreau is not done. (He is.) Waiting for Ryan Stone to come back because he is one guy who can be relied upon to get the puck out when it comes up his wing and he gets himself into the passing lanes and he can work the cycle.

Ryan Stone.

Yikes! God help us. This is what Tambellini and Lowe have wrought.

The stupid fuckers.

12 comments:

doritogrande said...

My god man. Even the dog's got one eye on you staring at that dirty hanging caterpillar.

I'm just jealous really. I couldn't even grow a Hitler if I tried for a month.

YKOil said...

She does take a wicked nice glamour shot. Wonderful lips...

her...

not you...

the dog?...

Wait a second...

Hard to believe this team has ended up where it has. True life and all that.

Dakin said...

Jesus you depress me. Always smacking the reality of this team back into me. Then you go and show a picture of two days growth and now I am envious. I grow one hell of a raging beard but absolutely nothing in the fu-man-chu area. It's ridiculous. Why can't there be a neck beard growing month in support of something?

As always, love the site man. Great stuff.

PDO said...

Hey Pat....

.. I lost your email on purpose, if you know what I mean.

And you're a prophet, if you know what I mean...

About turning points and all that.

B.C.B. said...

This year I have spent more time reading b logs then watching games. The story you have painted makes me think this may be the worst Oiler team ever, even with the positives like the blue line.

PS: thanks for the Winslet picture, it has been the only bright spot of the Oil's year. LT needs to put more of his gems up or I am in danger of forgoing the season.

Black Dog said...

BCB - step away from the ledge! :)

I wouldn't say that this is the worst team. Those early/mid 90s clubs were truly bad.

But just like four years ago when they had no D, there is a lack of balance, again. Everyone can see it but management won't do a dman thing about it.

Its not like we're talking the difference between lottery and 9th if they add a few pieces. We're talking the difference between 7th or 8th and 10th or 11th.

I'd prefer the former.

Black Dog said...

Thanks Dakin, for the compliment I mean, not the part about depressing you.

PDO - remember that Simpsons where the doc is trying to tell Homer he's got a bad heart and Homer just doesn't get it.

That's me when it comes to subtle references. Well not even non subtle references.

I'm glad for you. Should I be glad? ;)

Coach pb9617 said...

No, really, has Tom Berenger become your site's mascot?

The most agonizing thing about this year's edition of the Young & The Unbalanced is that the GM, President and Owner could've fixed this mess with three contracts that, in total, were less than four million dollars.

Maddening.

Scott Reynolds said...

Regarding the mustache, what does your daughter think? She's both a kid and a girl so I'm really not sure. It could be anything from overjoyed to embarrassed to apathetic to angry.

And three of those things are how I've felt about the Oilers this year too. That Columbus game was just fun. Having a worse shot differential so far than anyone has had post-lockout is embarassing and management, I think he can all agree, is angering. If I was apathetic about the team I wouldn't be commenting and writing and watching so hey, at least I still care.

Black Dog said...

Scott - yeah I still care too. Its just disappointing. Four years running now management has not done their job and really they almost blew it when it came to the goaltending situation in 2006.

And the most maddening thing about it is, as coach put it, they could have fixed it easily, any of these years. Sign Hejda. Sign Glencross. Sign Sauer or Bourque or whomever is out there.

That is what is depressing.

As for my daughter she is kind of indifferent to the whole thing. No response one way or the other so far. She's a bit of a chip off the old block so I presume that she will get a kick out of it once its emerged into its full glory.

Swabbubba said...

this Movember hmm I had a stache for 30 years. So I guess I can't compete. This team lacks the stones to do anything. I am still on my rant I thought new coach new captain... but we still have the no look puck chucker with no real usable skills. Can't fight, does not throw checks, so the team is following the figure skating captain. Hope 44 comes back soon

rpk said...

Christ, and I was worried about the goalie...what was I worried about..
I want my Souray back...I think we would be two games better with him and Vish healthy the whole time, but that is hardly a playoff team.

Can we cut the capitain?
And please already with friggin Jacques, I will take Reddox over that waste of space right now...he needs to learn how to play hockey and not just be a big body doing nothing...
Horcoff, get well soon, and hemmer is on the mend boys watch out, its comin...really a gagpensky first line is the shit if gags can hang, but we gotta get cogs off the centre and a high grade the 2nd line wing with horc when he is back... this game with Horc out:

gagner penner hemsky
Brule Osullivan cogs
Stone Comrie Pisani
Storts Reddox Moreau