Friday, December 21, 2007

The Important Thing To Remember Is That We Wore Onions On Our Belts

Because, after all, it was the style at the time.
Forty today. Right.
Tonight the Oilers play the Devils. I respect the Devils for being a contender year after year for nearly fifteen years now. I admire them for their team first ethos, their drafting and player development, their winning organization.
I also hate them more then any team and that includes Minnesota who, as far as I am concerned, were spawned by Leaping Lou.
Rightly or wrongly, I believe the Devils to be the originator of the modern day overcoached, trapping, chip it in, chip it out, strangle out any sort of flow game that I despised. Also they, like so many teams in this league, play in a market that could not care less about them. If I were commissioner I would fold a bunch of teams and they would be near the very top of the list. Put it this way. When they played Dallas for the Cup a few years back I actually wanted Dallas to win. And I hate Dallas.
Fuck those guys.
I'm usually not in the prediction business but it being my fortieth and all, I'm going to go out on a limb here.
Oilers run the Devils out of the building. At the end of the second, they are up eleven to nothing, with Thoresen having eleven goals and twenty two assists. During the second intermission New Jersey falls into the ocean. Distressed by this turn of events the Devils fall apart in the third. As the Oilers pump goal after goal past Chris Terreri, a Souray slapshot flies into the crowd. It ricochets off of a buck naked, fully erect Pierre Maguire, who is vigourously (of course) whacking off into a Sid the Kid cereal box. Maguire is killed instantly as are Leaping Lou and Gary Bettman, who happen to be nearby, Bettman giving Lou a reacharound, as is his wont. The game ends with an Oiler victory - 40 -0 - of course. When Horcoff scores the fortieth goal he turns to the camera, winks and says "That one is for you, Pat."
New commissioner Esa Tikkanen, aided by an army of translators, immediately folds the Devils after the game and strips them of their Cups. He decrees that the Oilers receive one and presents the Stanley (hat tip to LT) to Horcoff, who raises the Cup over his head, kisses it and then passes it to me, along with the key to his and Pisani's hotel room.
Happy Birthday indeed.


Lowetide said...

Are you really 40 today? Rip it up, buster and I mean. Drink like you mean it, grab that girl of yours like you mean it and then do something you'll be sorry for tomorrow.

It's the only way. I wish there was a better one, but you simply MUST do something before tomorrow morning that has people saying "assclown."

It's vital.

Black Dog said...

Our neighbours have a Christmas open house for our street every year and tonight happens to be the night. Prime opportunity to make myself a legend in our neighbourhood forever.

#47 - oh yeah, back in ought seven the fellow who lived there made love to his dog on Mary and Charlie's kitchen during their Christmas party. His wife took the kids to PEI and he ended up in a mental institution.

That place has the bad juju.

Andy Grabia said...

#47? Marc Andre Bergeron?