Monday, November 19, 2007

Here I Am Coming, Edmonton



Woke up this morning, foggy in the brain, lying out in the backyard, an empty bottle of Bushmills beside me, head resting on a tattered copy of Ulysses. Damn good night despite the hangover and the onset of pneumonia. Realized, niney niney nondoors, flying to Edmonton on Friday morning. Good on ya. Never been. Should be fun. Have to pack. Going to Whyte Avenue? Can't bring a knife on the plane. Thats ok, buy one at Edmonton Airport. Be prepared, just like the Boy Scouts. Not Lowe though. Lowe though. Heh.


Scritch scritch scritch. Fleas? No. Maybe crabs. Unfortunate. How to explain to Molly? Come up with something. Must get gift for Grabia. Famous now. Maybe too big a wig? We'll see. Porn is always nice. Gladheateher. Splendour In The Ass. Schindler's Fist. His birthday too. Maybe a hooker? Booze. Cigarettes. Too easy. No mention from Staples. Maybe good. No danger of lawsuits if nobody reads. Get back to the roots - gay porn, nonsensical ramblings. My niche. Masturbation and so on. Can't beat it.
Heh. Funny guy. Gift for Grabia. What to do? Cosh said he needs a pair. I haven't any to give ever since that vet appointment. Didn't see that coming. Have to remember - revenge against the guy with the mustache. See how he likes it. No balls. Prime of life. That's no fair. Smother him with a pillow maybe. No thumbs though. Maybe a problem. Still not fair. Hard to lick balls when there are no balls. Phantom pleasure I think.
Gift gift gift. Coat made from sacamano's back hair? Big. Warm. Red. Maybe itchy? Don't know. Think on it.
Drink before the flight. Hate flying. Remember not to shit myself from fear of flying. Andy won't let me into his car.
Hope people in Edmonton have heard the saying "Give The Dog A Bone"; if so might not come back. Probably will - not too good to leave it all behind. No midlife crisis here. No sir. Nope.
Um, no.

11 comments:

mike w said...

Pat, does this mean you are a werewolf? Or a black dog whisperer?

Very funny post.

Mr DeBakey said...

Do NOT try to sneak a knife onto the plane.
With that 'stache its about 80/20 you're gonna get strip-searched.

I've read that Grabia would really like a new taxpayer funded arena for Edmonton.
Too big for carry on?

Bushmills,
I've found with Bushmills
that if I don't use a jigger when I'm pouring the drink
It lasts longer

garnet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
garnet said...

Surely you'll be going to the beloved Black Dog Freehouse on Whyte, no? Niinimaa used to hang out there, don't forget.

www.blackdog.ab.ca

sacamano said...

garnet nailed it. I was going to mention the same thing.

Make sure you hit the Black Dog early, and then when it gets too crowded, exit for a donair, before heading to the Irish joint across the street.

If you get too drunk to find your way to the game, go to the Elephant and Castle to watch it -- best atmosphere outside of the arena.

Oh, and tell Grabia to take you to the Purple Onion. I promise, it is the best bar in town . . .

therealdeal said...

BD, say hi to me at the game, I'll be in the standing room. Donairs at Marcos after!

That's if I'm still standing of course.

Andy Grabia said...

I have a tour all planned out, don't you worry. I'm a little worried about getting tasered, though, because of that mustache Pat has going on. I'd assume he was guilty of something if I saw him walking down the street with that thing on his face.

mc79hockey said...

Oh, and tell Grabia to take you to the Purple Onion. I promise, it is the best bar in town . . .

See, now this confuses me. When I was in Edmonton in the late '90's, we used to go to the Purple Onion for 75 cent highball night on Monday or whatever the hell it was (kids: you can get 4's on the 9 point scale and still go to law school!). We mentioned this to my friend's parents, who lived there in the 1970's and they kind of looked at us funny. Did it not make the leap to being a straight bar at some point?

Or are you referring to something else.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I work at the Dog in the afternoons Fri & Sat.
If you see me, introduce yourself, and have a drink on me. Both of ya.

Craig, bartender with a baseball hat.

Black Dog said...

Thanks for all of the ideas gang.

Craig goes to the head off the line though - a drink on the house beats everything.

I am sure that Andy is going to take good care of me ... which gives me the idea for another post.

Hmmm.

allan said...

If there's some sort of gathering, let me know where and when.

If needed, I can give you your "welcome stab."