Monday, September 18, 2006

Homoerotic Subtext



It was around February of this year that I was googling Edmonton Oiler fansites or some such thing when I came upon something called Covered In Oil.

Holy fuck did I laugh.

From there I found the Battle of Alberta where Fenwick and our friend Bob Sacamano traded barbs, Lowetide who introduced us all to "saw him good", Terry Harper and, of course, Stan Weir. From there my travels took me to IOF where I was introduced to concepts like outscoring and soft minutes courtesy of Vic, Dennis and the other lads. And Mudcrutch who has almost convinced me that Radek Dvorak is twice the player of Bobby Hull. Almost but not quite. And finally Loxy who combined fandom with a lot of amazing photography and a lot of non hockey rants and tales.

I've learned a hell of a lot about hockey and the Oilers these past six months or so. Shared the amazing run of '06 and specifically Game Six at Paupers' Pub with Oiler fans from all over.

And laughed my ass off.

Forgot about this and so, now, in the same vein (although nowhere nearly as well written) my tribute to the guys who introduced me to the Oilogosphere.

Chris Pronger opened his eyes and moaned. The ceiling fan spun above him. "this must be what that kid from San Jose, what was his name, oh, it doesn't matter, must have seen after Raffi almost took his head off". His orbs, juggled oh so gently, pulsated in Teemu's hands, so soft from so many saunas.

"I told you it would all work out", said the wide eyed veteran Finn. "After I heard about what happened at the alumni dinner I knew we were meant to be together. "Remember last spring? I remember skating by you at the faceoff and whispering to you - do you remember what I said?"

"Yes", said Chris Pronger. "Like it was yesterday"

Teemu rolled onto his back. "Say it to me."

"Bumhole. Bumhole. Bumhole.", whispered Pronger as he hovered over Teemu's Finnish Flash.

"Oh", said Teemu. "Chris, you are so gay."

"Mmffmm", said Pronger.

"What was that, dearest?"

"Do you think this cock in my mouth makes me look gay?", said Pronger.

5 comments:

Loxy said...

Wow.

ZZZIIINNNG!

lowetide said...

I think Rexall should scream BUM HOLE BUM HOLE BUM HOLE! whenever Pronger touches the puck.

Or that thing Colby Cosh wrote (I can't remember but it was something like fuckstick shithead).

Alana said...

I can't stop laughing. Nice work, Pat!

uni said...

So confused...deeply disturbed...yet strangely aroused...

Scarlett said...

Whoa, that is creepy. Just in time for Pronger's new article in the Edm Journal bemoaning how horrible he was treated by the fans. Ooh poor Chrissy "bumhole" Pronger.